October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The perfection of Universal timing has compelled the introduction and launch of the I am a DOVe, Daughter of the Village, program.
The intention of this program is to help young women grow into their Greatness, one new thought at a time. Where do we start? We start with Self-Knowledge, which is an understanding of yourself and your goals.
When you understand who you are, you understand what you will and will not tolerate. You understand that when something does not feel good to you or make you feel good about yourself, it is time to let it go. As a very young woman, I dated a guy who was verbally abusive. Since I knew him better than I knew myself, I was usually able to walk around his tender spots. I did not think anything wrong with the way he spoke to me. I dated this guy for a few years and am not sure when the change began only that I had gotten used to it.
One day my girlfriend came to visit and the three of us went to hangout at the beach. We had been there for a few hours when I evidently missed a queue while chatting with my girlfriend. Since I spent most of my free time with him and again knew him so well I knew the signals that indicated attitude change. My girlfriend, whom I love dearly for her courage, looked him in they eye and said, “I don’t know what your problem is, but you will not speak to my girlfriend that way.”
In that instant, I saw what she saw. I saw that he was mean, sometimes for no reason. I saw that I had been making excuses for his attitude and his tone with me. I saw that I had been making excuses for him. I had been telling him, without saying anything, that his behavior was okay with me. I saw that I knew him better than I knew myself and that my girlfriend loved me more that I loved myself.
Even though there was no physical damage, there was emotional abuse. His words made me feel uncomfortable. Since I did not know who I was, I did not know that I could choose not to tolerate his verbal tyrants. I was so focused on him that I knew him and loved him better than I knew and loved me.
That day at the beach was the beginning of my journey of self-knowledge and the beginning of the end of that relationship. Choose your friends wisely. Real friends want you to feel good. They want you to be happy. If the only way they feel good is by making you feel bad, they are not your friends.
If you are the person that is verbally abusive to your friends, stop it. Think about how you feel when someone is verbally abusive to you. Generally speaking, abusers were once abused. Do not perpetuate this sadness. If you did not like it, someone else will like it less.
Our first and last love…is self-love! Be good to yourself.
Feedback and comments welcomed and appreciated.
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